I currently live on a mountain in southern Colorado. I’ve been here 5 years since I retired. I live in paradise, a “little slice of Heaven” as we locals like to call it.
But my life has been far from idyllic. I struggled to deal with my mother’s mental illness for 4 decades. My marriage was a failure, except for my two beautiful children. I trodded and struggled emotionally for years and years, but I kept going. I had 2 amazing kids to raise, and that was the carrot in front of the cart. It kept me moving forward, even when I wanted to give up.
A victim mentality was always following me around every where I went. I felt sorry for myself, and the obstacles I had to overcome. My life was an emotional marathon. It was not easy, and some days I couldn’t even tackle the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. I pretty much dreaded my life, even though I was doing the best I could. I dreaded getting up, I dreaded unloading the dishwasher, I dreaded going to bed and I had very little to look forward to, except the smiles on my little ones faces.
I came to realize that my life probably wasn’t going to get better until I did something about it, but I was so tired, I couldn’t make a big change of any sort. So I started with the dishes. When depression smothers you, it blots out all light and leaves you with nothing to cling onto for hope. All you see is negativity.
The dishes in the sink would grow and grow until I had no other choice but to load them in the dishwasher. And I couldn’t fill a dishwasher that was already full, so I had to empty it. I began giving thanks for all those dirty dishes, even though I didn’t feel grateful. I told myself one day there’d be no one left at home to cook for, and therefore no more dirty dishes. When I changed my attitude I began to see that mess of dishes as a blessing.
Next, I tackled my bed. I had left my bed unmade for years while the kids were little. Just too much to do, and not enough energy. I started with that one small task and it gave me back a sense of pride. Sometimes making my bed was the most productive task in my day. And when I went to crawl into bed at night it felt luxurious.
Sure enough, I started looking for other small ways to make a difference in my day to day feeling of accomplishment. I learned that doing small things that I dreaded doing was the way to harden my resolve. I didn’t have a choice when it came to giving up. My kids needed me, and I needed to be there for them. I sort of felt like the more uncomfortable I became, the more I was able to move forward and accomplish the boring and mundane task of everyday living. I began doing, whatever I would be doing, if I wasn’t hurting.
“The first step on the journey toward a (strong) mind is stepping outside your comfort zone on a regular basis. Dig out your journal and write down all the things you don’t like to do or that make you uncomfortable. Especially those things you know are good for you. Now go do one of them, and then do it again.”~ Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins
You can be pitiful, or powerful, but you can’t be both!
Bringinthesheaves 